Ramble On and On
It's been a while since I last entered a blog on this my Daily Reflections Blog. Daily? Sure, I've been in deep daily reflections. Reflections of the wonderful moments I spent at my Mother's death with my sister. Moments of watching Mom pass from this world to something else. Something new and wonderful. Something of an entire new way of being and living. Something I can't understand. Something spiritual and hopeful and pleasing. Something that drew the fascination of my sister, my wife and my daughter all together to glory at the wonderful love of God. A truly wonderful experience that was interrupted by this world's needs and desires within minutes of such a wonderful experience. Unneeded immediate planning that took place in the minutes, probably less than 5 after my mother's death. Emotions that were enraged by the break-in of this world into a spiritual experience. Yes, sinful emotions on my part and on the part of the need to plan. A range of emotions that passed me from one world and the closeness of God at the time into this present world and it's sinfulness in me.
How I longed to remain as long as I could in the spiritual realm that my mother had passed. Remain as long as possible. But, oh how quickly the needs of this world interrupted that special moment. I was present at my Father's death also twenty some years ago. The moment was precious and uninterrupted. It was memorable and moving. It was pleasant in the face of death. Pleasant in the hope that all Christians have for one who has been saved by Jesus Christ. Saved by Jesus' life, ministry, healing, suffering, death, resurrection and ascension. Pleasant in the hope of the communion of the saints. Pleasant in the unity of all yesterday, today and those to come in the life God has blessed us with through Jesus.
But, that wasn't the case this time. This moment was interrupted. Interrupted by my sinfulness and the sinfulness of this world and those present in this world. Mourning was delayed in this instance also. I went from tears to rage. The days to follow were blessed with the presence of my grandchildren from Texas. A blessing that distracted me from mourning my mother's death. As my grandchildren and daughter left to return to Texas, I felt the mourning process resume. An unwelcome delay that brought on and possibly triggered a Crohn's flare and depression. As I mourned and recovered at the same time, I began to process my emotions and to feel the closeness of God and my Mother in worship on Sunday's. I could sense my Mother telling me to pay attention in worship. I had the feeling that she was telling me, or that I was interpreting in my own crudeness a message... "This shit is for real!" This whole "God" thing is for real. Sure, I knew this all along, but now it took on deeper meaning. Wake up and pay attention, Billy! All your reading and worship and reflection and life is a gift from God. Pay attention and live out God's call. God gives life here and now and in death. See it even in the midst of your range of emotions. See it in those special spiritual times and see it upon your return to the earthly times. This shit is for real! Live it to the fullest. Live it in communion with the saints above and live it in communion with the sinful below. Live life with all those God gives to you.
As the days passed from Mom's death, I fell behind in my Old Testament readings. Some of my close friends realize that I read through the Bible each year. This is a separate activity from the blogging that I do in these reflections. So I decided to take time to listen to what God was telling me through scripture and began spending increasing time with my Scripture reading. I delved into my past Old Testament readings in Kings and Chronicles. I ceased to blog as I read and listened and prayed to God to speak to me. God surely speaks through the Word in the Bible, in the Sacraments and in the Word spoken at worship and through so many people day by day. God speaks through creation and life in this world and in the next. I delved into conversation with God in many ways.
And God speaks. God speaks in this world and the next. As my wife struggled with the declining health of her mother and father, God speaks. As I struggled with mourning and this decay of my own body, God speaks. But God also speaks in the joys of family. The joys of my grandchildren playing... the joys of spending time with Stephanie and Sarah... the joys of working with my son, Bryan... the joys of those I work with... the joys of plays and worship at church... the joys of spending time with Sue... the joys of walking and reading... the joys of new Y classes... On and on God speaks loud and clear.
So, I've been spending time with God... the joys... the struggles... my sinfulness... and my journey on this earth with God. I'm healing. I'm healing in a wonderful way. I'm healing in the pain and the joy of life. Life both here and now and life to come.
Daily Reflections... sure, I've been deep in reflection. And soon I will be blogging and posting once again. This blog entry I choose not to email or post on Twitter or Facebook. This blog entry is just a flow of thoughts from mind to keyboard. If this blog entry finds God speaking to you... wonderful! But, if not, please be patient with me. I'll be emailing and telling the world of all that God does in my life and in the live's of those God gives to me. Thanks to a range of emotions that take place daily, I will continue to follow Jesus each day and listen to him and complain to him and converse with him into eternity. Thanks be to God!
It's been a while since I last entered a blog on this my Daily Reflections Blog. Daily? Sure, I've been in deep daily reflections. Reflections of the wonderful moments I spent at my Mother's death with my sister. Moments of watching Mom pass from this world to something else. Something new and wonderful. Something of an entire new way of being and living. Something I can't understand. Something spiritual and hopeful and pleasing. Something that drew the fascination of my sister, my wife and my daughter all together to glory at the wonderful love of God. A truly wonderful experience that was interrupted by this world's needs and desires within minutes of such a wonderful experience. Unneeded immediate planning that took place in the minutes, probably less than 5 after my mother's death. Emotions that were enraged by the break-in of this world into a spiritual experience. Yes, sinful emotions on my part and on the part of the need to plan. A range of emotions that passed me from one world and the closeness of God at the time into this present world and it's sinfulness in me.
How I longed to remain as long as I could in the spiritual realm that my mother had passed. Remain as long as possible. But, oh how quickly the needs of this world interrupted that special moment. I was present at my Father's death also twenty some years ago. The moment was precious and uninterrupted. It was memorable and moving. It was pleasant in the face of death. Pleasant in the hope that all Christians have for one who has been saved by Jesus Christ. Saved by Jesus' life, ministry, healing, suffering, death, resurrection and ascension. Pleasant in the hope of the communion of the saints. Pleasant in the unity of all yesterday, today and those to come in the life God has blessed us with through Jesus.
But, that wasn't the case this time. This moment was interrupted. Interrupted by my sinfulness and the sinfulness of this world and those present in this world. Mourning was delayed in this instance also. I went from tears to rage. The days to follow were blessed with the presence of my grandchildren from Texas. A blessing that distracted me from mourning my mother's death. As my grandchildren and daughter left to return to Texas, I felt the mourning process resume. An unwelcome delay that brought on and possibly triggered a Crohn's flare and depression. As I mourned and recovered at the same time, I began to process my emotions and to feel the closeness of God and my Mother in worship on Sunday's. I could sense my Mother telling me to pay attention in worship. I had the feeling that she was telling me, or that I was interpreting in my own crudeness a message... "This shit is for real!" This whole "God" thing is for real. Sure, I knew this all along, but now it took on deeper meaning. Wake up and pay attention, Billy! All your reading and worship and reflection and life is a gift from God. Pay attention and live out God's call. God gives life here and now and in death. See it even in the midst of your range of emotions. See it in those special spiritual times and see it upon your return to the earthly times. This shit is for real! Live it to the fullest. Live it in communion with the saints above and live it in communion with the sinful below. Live life with all those God gives to you.
As the days passed from Mom's death, I fell behind in my Old Testament readings. Some of my close friends realize that I read through the Bible each year. This is a separate activity from the blogging that I do in these reflections. So I decided to take time to listen to what God was telling me through scripture and began spending increasing time with my Scripture reading. I delved into my past Old Testament readings in Kings and Chronicles. I ceased to blog as I read and listened and prayed to God to speak to me. God surely speaks through the Word in the Bible, in the Sacraments and in the Word spoken at worship and through so many people day by day. God speaks through creation and life in this world and in the next. I delved into conversation with God in many ways.
And God speaks. God speaks in this world and the next. As my wife struggled with the declining health of her mother and father, God speaks. As I struggled with mourning and this decay of my own body, God speaks. But God also speaks in the joys of family. The joys of my grandchildren playing... the joys of spending time with Stephanie and Sarah... the joys of working with my son, Bryan... the joys of those I work with... the joys of plays and worship at church... the joys of spending time with Sue... the joys of walking and reading... the joys of new Y classes... On and on God speaks loud and clear.
So, I've been spending time with God... the joys... the struggles... my sinfulness... and my journey on this earth with God. I'm healing. I'm healing in a wonderful way. I'm healing in the pain and the joy of life. Life both here and now and life to come.
Daily Reflections... sure, I've been deep in reflection. And soon I will be blogging and posting once again. This blog entry I choose not to email or post on Twitter or Facebook. This blog entry is just a flow of thoughts from mind to keyboard. If this blog entry finds God speaking to you... wonderful! But, if not, please be patient with me. I'll be emailing and telling the world of all that God does in my life and in the live's of those God gives to me. Thanks to a range of emotions that take place daily, I will continue to follow Jesus each day and listen to him and complain to him and converse with him into eternity. Thanks be to God!
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