Sometimes I understand some of those psalmist - some of those "mad" prayers to God -- I think about Jesus love for others- I think about how he worked in the world and healed people - taught people and how his conversation with others went straight to the point of our real being - then I think of how God wants us to love others - like "We love because he first loved us." -- 1 John 4.19 -- Aww it all sounds so good and nice and everything - but just try it - try to love others - this world is so screwed up that if you try to love other people like Jesus loves us -- it gets all turned around into something it's not -- It's a bunch of crap! - and it's not the people you are showing God's love to that is the problem - it's the culture we live in - it's the fallen world we live in - the love is turned into something that it's not by others - then I get angry at God - why send me out with a command like that? - it doesn't work! - it's a bunch of crap! -- you get hurt by it all - others talk about it and poke fun at it - what's that all about? - nothing makes sense - so why even bother with telling others about Jesus grace -- do I just want to set someone else up for the same kind of disappointment? - oh no-- this guy really needs forgiveness - some people would think that - he is angry at God - now I can understand some of those angry Psalmists - on this earth trying - but just getting kicked - or hunted down - or like David - Saul tries to kill him even when he is trying to honor Saul and his kingship - but then when you get angry - I don't want forgiveness - just leave me alone for a while - why torment me all night with thoughts? - what's the purpose of all this? - nothing makes sense -- those that want to live that dumb old life of earning more and more money - getting better and better jobs are just fine- you know the ones that just have a good time - don't worry about a thing - all is going well with them - no torment at night - but try to follow what God wants -- or what you think God wants - then you don't sleep at night - all you get is heartache and pain - it's a bunch of crap -- loving others doesn't work!
But it does work! -- It already has worked -- and it is working now. When I step out to do what Jesus commands - to love my neighbor with all my heart, soul and strength -- he didn't promise that it would be all nice -- of all people Jesus knew it wouldn't be all nice - His life reflects how awful the world can be for a person willing to show the love of God -- he was accused of hanging out and loving prostitutes -- of breaking Jewish law by healing others and loving them - of ruining livelyhoods of people by loving a man with demons so much he cast the demons into a herd of pigs -- Jesus was loving people - teaching people to return to God - to repent and see God's presence in the world- God's presence of love in Jesus feeding thousands with little food -- feeding thousands-millions with bread -- with the bread of life -- watering people like the woman at the well with this love of his - that gave this woman life giving - everlasting water -- Jesus showing love in this world -- and what did they do? -- The Jewish leaders accused him of teaching the wrong things - of doing the wrong things - of loving the wrong way -- and the people all got together and killed Jesus. they killed him and made him suffer while killing him - and Jesus let it all happen - Jesus knew that the world would not understand the love he came to give - he knew the world would hate him and kill him - Jesus knew that the world hated the kind of love he came to show - Jesus let it all happen so that he could show a love so deep - that this world cannot understand - not even begin - all the books written about love by men since Jesus was crucified- don't even come close -- there are no experts - there are no "high" thinkers on this love that Jesus shows - this love Jesus showed was so deep that the result of this love forgives the sin of this world - forgives the sin of the very ones denying the love of God - forgives the sin of the very ones killing Jesus because of the love he brought into the world - know one can understand that! -- anyone that pretends to is a fake! -- and that includes a whole bunch of Christians that try to come off all nicey nicey -- like you can just be a good loving Christian and be like Jesus - it's so easy to love -- that's a bunch of crap! -- it makes me want to puke! -- it's not easy! -- this love is not easy -- to make it easy cheapens what Jesus went through - to make it sound easy cheapens the pain-the suffering and the very love Jesus showed each one of us - the love Jesus showed each on of us straight in our hearts- Jesus love is close - Jesus love is personal - Jesus love is beyond imagination.
So -- I can't comprehend this love--I like how Luther tried to explain it -- "I believe that I cannot by my own understanding or effort believe in Jesus Christ my Lord, or come to him. But the Holy Spirit has called me through the gospel, enlightened me with his gifts, and sanctified and kept me in true faith." -- I can't figure it out -- It's true - but I can't figure it out - I depend completely on God's guidance and gifts through the Holy Spirit. I depend on God completely -- I am frustrated with a world where I try to reflect the love of Jesus and somehow it gets all misunderstood -- Jesus - in his command to love others - never said it would be easy - but the load would be light- doesn't mean there won't be pain in reflecting his love -- doesn't mean it won't hurt -- look how it must have hurt Jesus - the command is simple - it is light - sounds real easy - love others like I loved you - easy - light -- but pain- yes- misunderstood -yes- What little amount of the light of Jesus love I am able to let shine through me just deepens my understanding of how deep deep deep and awesome that love of Jesus was for me -- He really loves me a bunch- a whole bunch! -- bunches more than I can fathom -- so how can I respond -- ask for the forgiveness of my bitterness towards God - love Jesus with all my heart -- love others with all my heart -- be open to the arrows of pain that will piece my heart in this world as I love others with all my heart - feel the pain - that teeny tiny pain of love in my heart--teeny tiny compared to what pain Jesus felt for me- and worship and praise Jesus for that huge pain his heart suffered for this dying world I live in -- in that love of Jesus there is hope -- someday - I'm going to approach that cross with a whole bunch of others - we are going to look up -- we are going to experience that great Communion of Saints -- and this love that Jesus gave to us will be all so easy - all so understood - all so grand - a love that will wrap us all up in praise and honor and glory to the King! -- That's the day! -- Until then -- I gotta go - I gotta go keep on letting those little rays of Jesus light of love shine through me into the world God has placed me -- and thank God for those twinkles of love I feel everyday -- even when it hurts! -- Thanks be to God!
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